driving,shopping and decorating

Today after work I drove to the mall to get a sweater for my Mom. While at work, I planned the route I would take. Not an easy route by any means. The quickest way to get to the highway that I needed to be on was to drive by the cemetery. The one where my baby Dylan is. My MIL is there too. When I started the car in the parking lot at work, I took a deep breath and pulled out. About ten minutes later, I was driving past St. Thomas. As I approached, my mind just sort of fuzzed out and I felt sick to my stomach and I glanced in towards his headstone. That is absolutely something that NO baby or child should have. A headstone. I physically felt my heart sink as I drove by and now as I type too. Once I got onto the highway Rt. 1, I headed towards the mall and got a close spot to park and went right in and found a sweater for my mother within 2 minutes. That part was good. I even kept looking around for a few minutes to see if I could find something else, but paid for and left with the one that I really wanted for her.
As I drove home, I cried and blared the music and sang each song out loud all the way home at the top of my voice.
It's so draining. So emotionally draining. I rested for a bit when I got home, and B came home from school. We went out for a little dinner and picked up his best friend to spend the night here. I've been decorating for Christmas for the past 2 1/2 hours trying to get as much done asap so I can sit and try to enjoy it instead of these past years of it taking sooooo long to get things up and ready and by the time I'm done, it's time to take it all down. I'm trying to brace myself for the days ahead. My hubby is going away for a week, he does it each year usually at this time. It's hard with him away, even though I don't see him much Mon-Fri anyway. At least I know he's nearby at work, or here at home while I'm sleeping.
So I must prepare for all that is "planned" in the days to come. A little more shopping to do, lots of wrapping (I'm thankful for the people that I can buy gifts for!) , and more decorating to do as well as getting the fresh cut tree and placing about 230 ornaments all specially chosen from a specific place we've been so we can remember it always. and of course the sweet ones for Dylan. Half the Christmas stuff is down from the attic , scattered all over the living room and dining room, so I'd better get back to it.