cold December

I'll always remember this December of 2010. My best friend Sue died on the 7th. Her funeral was yesterday. Her poor mother looked so weak. Someone there said that they don't know how a mother buries her own child (this is her 2nd child to have buried), and then "goes on with their life".
I replied that I'm surprised that a mother who has buried her child can even stand on her own two legs sometimes, and have them hold her up. For some of us, Faith holds us up, though for me, it waivered after Dylan left, until I realized that God had NOT "CHOSEN" Dylan to die that day. The doctors LET him die and God accepted him right into heaven, where he had just come from. The service at the church was lovely, but the viewing, her laying there so cold and lifeless, I just kept expecting her chest to rise with a breath. I stayed all day in support of my Bestie's family whom I've known all of my life basically. Two people read poems, one person shared funny memories of Sue loving her presents on her birthday and Christmas and taking a pic with EACH gift lol. Then the cemetary. The cold, lonely cemetary. I find no peace when I go to visit my baby. I went last Friday to bring him his "gifts" for Christmas. How does a mother do that? How does she SURVIVE that? When we arrived yesterday, we pulled around to where all the beautiful, giant arrangements of purple flowers had been placed. Her final resting spot near to her older brother Jimmy and her maternal grandparents. Silver casket engraved with words on the top that I can't even remember right now. The wind blew so hard during the graveside service, everyone's teeth were chattering. Then back 20 miles to the church for a luncheon which was very nice.
I'll miss you girlie and I'll love and remember you always. Thanks for always being my friend. No drama, no stress, no strife. Just so easy to be around. Thats how I'll remember you. Sure there were times when I wish you had done some things differently towards your own body, your own mind and health, but I wouldn't change a thing that you've ever made ME feel. Always content and relaxed around you. Thats RARE.
My Christmas tree at our house this year has 700 PURPLE lights in memory of you, Sue and it looks beautiful,just as I will always remember you , beautiful, carefree and loving. I told your mom yesterday that I've always been your friend and that I'll continue to love you and be your friend.