Christmas season

I've started my holiday shopping as of today. While in the toy section, my heart was already heavy, missing my Dylan boy and the song came on the radio. HIS song, the song we associate with our boy in heaven. Drops of Jupiter by Train. I kind of slowed down my cart and breathed in deeply. Every day is hard without him, his birthday is especially hard. (It's his angel day too) but Christmas Day is so very hard, to even get out of bed, I want to, and I know I need to, but my body is so exhausted by that time that I have to really drag myself up out of it. Perhaps it's more mental exhaustion than physical. In fact, I'm sure that it is. This time of year is so hard on grieving parents. Dylan's been back in heaven for over  9 years now , I'm sure that people think that time has healed me, or whatever. It hasn't. My son still isn't here and I STILL want him here. That won't ever change, no matter how much time goes by or what day it is.