Halloween used to be a time when (if I was off from work throughout my early twenties), I'd drink and party with my friends. When I was a kid, it was trick or treating with my older sister throughout my younger childhood.Then I was old enough to go with my friends I guess.
After I had my first child, it was bringing him around in his cute little costumes in his stroller, or having him walk and one of us carrying him back home after he couldn't walk any more.
While pregnant with our second child, we imagined how it would be with both boys going around for candy in their costumes, together. (We imagined and dreamed of our lives together in every aspect, including all holidays big and small.
Then Dylan left, 3 days before he was due to be born that tragic summer day
So for a few years afterwards, we'd go it alone. I would cry my concerns to Steve and we'd head out.
Then Brandon met up with a friend one year and me and his mom walked all around with them. Then we met Brandon's best friend Daniel. He's gone with us once and last year we went with a mom friend and her two kids. Then Daniel this year. I try and make sure we're with someone so B can have more fun and for about 3 months before the day comes, I'm trying to figure out who that may be. Something I never thought I'd have to do. It's mentally exhausting. ALL of it, ALL year long too.
But I try to make it a nice day for my Brandon, his buddy even spent the night last night.
His brother should have been with us, running up ahead to get to the door first or maybe taking turns.
It's the not knowing, not having ANY memories that tears at my heart. We didn't even get one day, one minute.
Dylan's ever present absence makes my heart heavy , no matter what day or what time of year it is.
The holidays are coming up, God help us all. (moms of angels)
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